If the thought of the impending holidays and everything that goes with them brings you nothing but joy and peace, then you’re lucky to not be stuck in the trap of holiday tradition. Congratulations!
On the other hand, if the holidays are getting increasingly stressful each year and you’re counting the days until they’re over, it isn’t just you!
While holiday traditions can be wonderful when they truly foster closeness and warmth, for many they foment obligation and resentment. Especially when they’ve gone on for so long without consideration as to whether they continue to be of value.
Clinging to the Past
The holidays have long been a time for family customs and rituals. And at one time, you may have truly looked forward to baking cookies, decorating the house, playing games, or doing whatever your traditions dictate. It all felt very unifying.
Yet, for any number of reasons, those traditions don’t feel enjoyable any longer. They may even feel like drudgery. Yet you feel guilty for not delighting in these activities any longer. So you don’t say anything and keep going through the motions year after year after year while clinging to the past.
Sound familiar?
You’re in the Trap of Holiday Tradition
And you can rest assured that you are not alone here.
There’s so much pressure to be happy and jubilant during the holidays and the expectation is that activities that once brought you joy should continue to do so. The reality is that just because a holiday is celebrated the same way each year doesn’t mean everyone enjoys it.
Consider some of your upcoming traditions. When you think about these activities, how do you experience them in your body? This is something a skilled life coach might ask you to notice because if you’re feeling stress, dread, anxiety, or an increased heart rate, these are all signs that these traditions are no longer serving you.
Of course, there will likely be traditions that continue because they make logistical sense. For example, Hanukkah is always at your sister’s house because she has the largest dining area. Or Christmas dinner is at 3pm because members of your growing family have other obligations later that day.
Aside from these general inconveniences, if you’re tired of the same yearly holiday traditions because they leave you feeling more negative than positive, it’s worth addressing.
Broaching the Topic of Changed/New Traditions
The single best way to deal with a hackneyed old tradition is to alter it or even replace it with a new one. This is much easier said than done though. And you can bet you’ll face some resistance. After all, holiday traditions are rooted in family history and fond memories.
To start, ask family members which traditions continue to bring them joy. Hopefully there’s some overlap there. Then feel out how everyone feels about dropping or changing some of those that aren’t mentioned. Does the tradition still have meaning? And if so, does it outweigh the stress felt around it?
For instance, if everyone still finds gift-giving meaningful, but not everyone has the time or finances to do it for each person, perhaps institute a secret gift exchange instead. Or if the decorating and/or cooking each year is getting excessive for a few people, consider dialing back on the festivities and find new ways to simplify these – thus perhaps instituting new traditions in the process.
And if you face nothing but harsh resistance to any changes whatsoever, then you need to seriously evaluate whether the stress of doing the holidays the same way each year is even worth it to you anymore. Just because a situation or the people in it have become toxic, that doesn’t mean they’re bad or wrong. They’re just not a good fit for you now. You have the right to bow out.
Putting Yourself First for the Holidays
As you consider talking about changing some long-held traditions, be sure you enter the arena in a good headspace. If you come in with a positive mindset, things will go more smoothly.
Be sure you’re getting plenty of rest to nourish your heart, soul, and body. This means you may have to learn to say no to some of the vast and sundry holiday requests so you can carve out this time for yourself. (At the very least, you may have to leave a party or two early.)
In addition, if you need alone time and it’s compromised during this busy season, make this a priority as well. A quiet walk in the cold or a long hot bath will do more to nourish you than any social gathering.
Finally, consider just changing your whole mindset this holiday season. Make decisions based first on love and delight. This could be something simple like watching the snow fall and drinking hot chocolate. Perhaps it’s baking cookies for your local homeless shelter. It could be a walk with your favorite people/pets through the neighborhood to take in the lights.
Do more than just survive the holiday season this year. Get out and embrace what makes you truly shine!
Happy Holidays!
If you’re stuck in the trap of holiday tradition, break free this year. Give yourself permission to change or get rid of those activities that now feel negative.
Because at the end of the day, holiday traditions should be something that create a sense of belonging and stability, not stress and drudgery.
To get started on your journey to a healthier and happier holiday season, contact us today. Our life coaching services and mindfulness practices will provide you with the guidance and direction that will make to make your season bright.
