How can you learn from your failures when it feels like nothing but a whole lotta negativity?!
Perhaps failure feels like you got a slap in the face or a punch in the gut. Your self-esteem and confidence take some pretty serious hits. And it may seem like you’re never gonna come back from it.
As much as you may want to wave the white flag though, you’re better off getting back in the saddle. Metaphors aside, remember that the most successful people in the world have experienced and learned from failure. And sometimes plenty of it.
What Failure Teaches Us
The prolific and outspoken writer Maya Angelou once said, “Courage allows the successful woman to fail and learn powerful lessons from the failure. So that in the end, she didn’t fail at all.”
Her statement does not, of course, apply to only women. Because learning from failure is an equal opportunity venture. And it has much to teach us.
For starters, failure teaches us humility. It keeps our egos from growing too out of control while testing our resolve. We learn resiliency from failure too. Because if life always worked out and everything went our way, we’d never need to bounce back. And resiliency is important for success.
Many artists and writers understand that (in most cases) they must first create hundreds of works or write hundreds of pieces before finding their true voices. From their failures, they comprehend that innovation and creativity take time and patience.
This is true for each of us. No matter where we excel in life.
A public speaker who is adept at presenting more than likely had to slog through many presentations and speaking opportunities that were less than perfect. Some may have been downright embarrassing. The important thing is, they learned motivation rather than surrender from failure. They recognized their progress along the way and learned how to adjust from each mistake.
If you understand that failure is not an end to you reaching your goal but rather an opportunity to learn how to be flexible, adaptable, and overcome obstacles, you can use it to your advantage.
So where do you start?
How to Learn From Your Failures
Researchers Lauren Eskreis-Winkler and Ayelet Fishbach and psychologist Ethan Kross have done extensive research on learning from failure. And they are all realistic about the fact that learning from failure isn’t easy.
Fortunately, there are strategies to help overcome the emotional barriers that are part and parcel of failure.
1. Practice Self-Distancing
Self-distancing is a process wherein the person who fails takes a third-person perspective. So rather than saying, “Why did I fail?”, you would ask instead “Why did (your name) fail?”
It might sound overly simplistic, but Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan conducted several studies that showed how self-distancing softened the negative emotional reaction to failure. That’s because it’s less of a threat to the ego, thereby enabling a more rational analysis of the situation and ways to improve upon it.
2. Observe Other’s Failures FIRST
In a study by Eskreis-Winkler and Fishbach, they noted that when participants received lessons from the negative results of other people who had already played the game they were given, the participants learned more from those failures than they did from their own.
It makes sense. Consider the last time you set out to do something brand new, and consulted YouTube University first to get a sense of how to do it. This is an example of observing other’s failures first. You’re getting an inside view into what to do, but also – and perhaps more importantly – what NOT to do.
3. Recognize Your Successes
We spoke of this above to some degree. When you repeatedly try to achieve something yet continue to fail, it can be discouraging. But if you’re able to zoom out and look at the big picture, you’re going to see the successes and progress you made along the way. Having this recognition is key in keeping you motivated and moving forward.
4. Offer Advice
Another strategy that Eskreis-Winkler and Fishbach advocate involves offering advice to others who are experiencing a similar failure. In one of their studies, they found that those who offer advice in this situation felt a boost to their ego that enabled them to confront their own failures.
For example, if you’re struggling to keep up with an exercise regimen, write out tips for others on how to stick with their own. This can motivate you to continue pursuing your goal.
5. FEEL the Disappointment
In a world that (mistakenly) doesn’t place a lot of stock in emotions, you may be resistant to simply allowing yourself to feel disappointment. Instead, lean into it. There’s a considerable body of research that suggests that sadness evolved as a normal response to loss and failure and that it helps to improve the memory and judgment required to succeed in the future. So give yourself that necessary grieving time if you need it. Then move forward from there.
Are Your Failures Weighing You Down?
We all experience failure. And yes, when you learn from your failures, they seem so much more worthwhile. It’s not always easy though. If you’re struggling with failure, consider how the enriching practices of yoga, mindfulness, and life coaching can open you to a more balanced view of the world.
Contact us today to experience either on-site or through our mobile offerings how yoga and mindfulness nurture your body, mind, and spirit while the support of a life coach empowers you to overcome challenges and set meaningful goals in the face of failure.
You’ve got this!
