Given that it’s January, you may have adopted a ‘new year, new you’ mindset. Perhaps you’ve plunged into a challenging fitness regimen. Or maybe you’ve enlisted the services of a life coach to help you get unstuck in some part of your life.
Acknowledging there’s room for improvement in your development is honorable. After all, there’s always room to grow and learn new things about yourself.
You need to be careful though in how you frame this learning. There’s a big difference between wanting to do something good for yourself and believing you need to fix something that’s deeply flawed or broken. The latter is a trap.
The Trouble With the Fix-It Mentality
When you believe you need to be fixed, you have in your head a before and after scenario. The before scenario is you now – the perceived flawed you in need of repair. The after scenario is you later – where you’re all better, life is finally good, and you can move forward.
This scenario is an illusion and a trap.
As long as you inherently believe you are broken, then you will always find another aspect of your life that you feel needs fixing. It could be something as small as needing a new hair dryer, or something as big as seeking a different job. Whatever the case, once you achieve it, you’ll eventually want more.
This is the problem in looking outside of yourself to heal an internal wound. All the seeking and acquiring (better car, better house, better body, etc.) becomes a distraction from looking within and truly growing.
So to begin to shift away from this, ask yourself the following question:
What’s Your Motivation?
There are two elements that motivate us to change: fear and love.
If you’re looking for change from a place of fear, you’re working from a lack and limitation mindset. And that, as we mentioned above, will leave you grasping for a solution from something outside of yourself.
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with having aspirations. Going after that big promotion next year, for example, may be just the boost in confidence you need. But if you think it’s going to make you a better and more complete person, it won’t be long before you realize it hasn’t. And you’ll be looking for the next fix.
By contrast, if your motivation to change is coming from a place of love, you understand that you’ll likely make missteps and wrong turns as you journey slowly toward change. And rather than diminish or berate yourself for these, you see them as learning opportunities.
So getting that big promotion would be nice, but if you don’t, you still accept yourself. There’s liberation in knowing you’re doing the best you can. It’s in this fertile ground where true inner growth begins.
Reframing the New Year, New You Mindset
Being heavily mired in the ‘new year, new you’ mindset is exhausting. Especially if you’re basing your goals on someone else’s life and then seemingly falling short each time.
Remember that you are the product of your environment. Just as is everybody else. And no two people are exactly the same. As such, whatever unhealthy coping mechanisms you’ve adopted throughout your life to deal with challenges are not going to be the same as anybody else’s. This is by no means a criticism.
You, like everybody else, learned these behaviors at different parts of your life when perhaps there were fewer resources available to you. These behaviors were part of your survival strategy. The problem occurs when these behaviors, which are now habits, no longer serve you. It’s at this point when many of us don’t realize what’s happening and seek a fix outside of ourselves. When that doesn’t work, we try and try again. This is when we need to reframe.
A new job isn’t going to free you from old behaviors. Observing the behaviors will. But it’s a process. And it takes time. So start by observing your thoughts and behaviors this week. See if you can view yourself as a friend might. Where do you see yourself struggling? What habits are you relying on to navigate a situation? Are they outdated? Ineffective?
Consider other choices you have now that weren’t available in the past. They are out there. And remember, change is an on-going process that’s built on small actions carried out over time – not a dramatic ‘new year, new you’ scenario that will inevitably tap you dry.
You Are Not Broken
If you’re feeling the trap of the ‘new year, new you’ mindset and think you need to be fixed, it’s time to zoom out and reframe your thinking.
You are not broken. And reading a self-help book, attending a personal development workshop, or hiring a life coach or counselor doesn’t mean you’re deeply flawed. Seeking help and guidance is a sign of strength and shows that you recognize that what you’ve been doing isn’t working any longer.
So if you’re ready to experience your life in a new way, contact us today. Our life coaching services will help you create positive habits and shed the stale ones that are hindering your growth.
